DISCLAIMER: The dramatic, overly sensitive, broad spectrum of emotions expressed throughout the journal, I feel, is a direct reflection of my silly Gemini tendencies!
***
Friday June 7th, 9:48pm
I was exhausted. I had slept maybe six out of the 23 hours of flight time over the past two days. People came and went from the carousel. Hundreds of suitcases were picked up and claimed by their also jet lagged owners. I stood and scrolled. Every so often, I looked up from my phone to see if my bag had arrived. When the sound of crying babies and hustled footsteps finally faded, I checked the time; 37 minutes had gone by and my bag was still nowhere to be found. Not surprised, I walked to the help desk to explain my situation. “I’m sorry Miss. It appears your suitcase is in Istanbul”. I couldn’t help but laugh. How had I flown from San Francisco to Johannesburg and my suitcase was halfway across the world? My classic birthday luck.
10:53pm
Paul and Jonathan’s smiling, friendly faces met me at the gate. I rode in the front seat and watched in amazement as traffic came head-on from the right side of the road. I couldn’t believe my eyes, and from the expectations Jonathan was setting, I couldn’t be more thrilled to be here. Soon, I’d meet ten of my new classmates who would arrive all day tomorrow. The adventure was about to begin, but still, I kind of dreaded my birthday.
11:30pm
We arrived at the lodge and Brian showed me to my room. A gift bag, sweet note, and warm butternut squash soup were left for me on the kitchen counter, along with a bottle of what would come to be my favorite South African drink, Appletiser! I sat in silence, feeling a weird combination of emotions. I was overwhelmed by gratitude to be in a foreign country: already supported (grounded in the reassurance I received from the professors about my suitcase), provided for (seen through the yummy food before me and the safety measures taken to ensure I was comfortable in my new home), and with the opportunity to expand my horizon (academically and emotionally) entirely. But I also couldn’t help feeling a little sad.
I WAS ALONE, IN A NEW COUNTRY, TURNING 20.
I refused to believe my teen years were over. I refused to think age was anything but a social construct. I refused to change, to grow up, to be mature, to be old. I felt a buzz from my phone and as I turned to see who it was, I spilled my juice all over the counter and floor. I smiled knowing I’d one day be in my 50s, still making messes.
Saturday June 8th, 12:00am
I pressed my mom’s letter to my chest and wiped the wet from under my eyes. I reread the starting sentence over and over.
“Happy birthday my sweet sofi. I’m the luckiest mama in the stratosphere to have you as my girl…”
Among the stream of tears that fell from my burning cheeks, I turned to see the messages from some of my dearest friends.
“Hello my lovely human, HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY!!!!!…”
“Sofia. Prieto. Black. Sewandono. YOU, are my person…”
“Feliz cumpleanos beautiful perfect shinning star…”
I felt the warmth of those I loved with me; as if the words replaced my mom’s warm embrace, Leila’s love, Julia’s cuddles, Lucy’s belly laughs. I snuggled under the covers, turned off the lights, and slept like a baby, cradled by the thoughts and well-wishes from those back home, despite the many miles that separated us.
9:28am
RINNGGGGG RRRRINNNGGGGG RRRIINNNGGG
The blaring sound pierced my ears. Drowsy from the melatonin, attempting to open my crust-sealed eyes, I sat up, and looked over at the empty bed next to mine; my roommate Anika was to arrive on Sunday evening. The weight of my new reality crashed over me once again—I was alone in this foreign land, celebrating my 20th birthday without my family and friends.
Loneliness gripped my chest as I glanced around the sparse room. What was I doing here, so far away from everything I knew and loved? A series of anxious “what ifs” and “what could’ve been” spin through my jet-lagged mind.
RINNGGGGGGGGGG RRRIINNNGGG
I forced myself up and out of the tangled sheets and followed the noise. The telephone, or whoever behind it, was insistent I awake. “Hello?” I say quietly, with a groggy and raspy bewildered tone. “Good morning Sofia! Breakfast is waiting for you. The kitchen closes in 30 minutes. Oh, and another student is here, come down to meet her!” “Oh my goddess, thank you for calling. I will quickly change and be right there!” I hung up the phone and smiled. The fear and angst slowly dissipated with Fillitah’s kind gesture; it appears here too I’d feel loved and cared for!
My morning routine was now simplified. Without a toothbrush, face soap, or a comb, all I had to do was put on my airport outfit, and walk to where Paul pointed out last night, was the restaurant. The cool and crisp Joburg air hugged my thin sweater and a swirl of nerves rushed through my body. For a fleeting moment, I wondered if I had made a terrible mistake. But as soon as I turned the corner, into the kitchen, the aromas of sizzling meats and sweet juices filled my nose. I was instantly defrosted by the grins of the other student and the staff. As Evie and I exchanged introductions and giggles over steaming mugs of tea, I allowed myself to exhale and think ‘Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.’
10:53am
After a delicious breakfast and lighthearted chatter, I walked to my room and sunk into the cozy bed. Still emotionally and physically tired, I slept all day!
5:00pm
I woke up just in time for dinner, greeted by cheery faces and lively laughter that filled the cozy kitchen area. EEEEK! Most of my peers had arrived. Any lingering feelings of fear and intimidation were gone, as soon as the group began bonding over the delicious home-cooked meal.
Soon after, I was surprised with a cake dotted with candles, a thoughtful gift, and a “Happy Birthday” balloon. At that moment, as this group of relative strangers serenaded me with off-key singing, I was overwhelmed by a profound sense of gratitude and appreciation. Despite the time zone differences, unfamiliar surroundings, and being so far from my usual family festivities, their kindness enveloped me. The genuine care and effort to make me feel special on my birthday made my heart swell.
It’s this type of welcoming spirit that I’m so grateful to have been presented with here in Joburg. A reminder that kindness transcends borders, birthplaces, and any perceived differences between us. I can only hope to pay forward this generosity to my professors, classmates, staff, and the broader community throughout the program.
