This past week I have felt increasingly homesick.
I don’t remember when, but one day I was talking to Ben about feeling homesick. At first, I refused to admit it. I described all of the associated feelings and longings. But at the end, I said “yeah I don’t actually get homesick though.” Now, I’m realizing that yeah, maybe I do. Although I am proud of all I have accomplished, experienced, and learned in South Africa, every day I find myself thinking of my family, my friends, and my home with more eagerness and earnestness than the last. I picture all the people and things that I love waiting for my return.
Just the other day, my cousin, who is also my best friend, texted me to meet up for lunch. I told him that I obviously cannot—I’m still in South Africa after all! He replied: “haven’t you been there forever? It’s at least been a decade! Come home right now.” Reading this joking text, I surprisingly became very emotional. I am super close to my entire family—mom, dad, cousin, aunts, and uncles. I didn’t realize how much I would miss them. It’s not as if this was the first time we had all been separated. I mean I just completed a year of college in a different state. It’s also not as if I haven’t traveled without them before. Whether it be purely independent or school-related travel, I have left my family and home before. So, I wasn’t quite sure what made this trip distinct from my past.
Today, finishing the final exam was a huge symbol of finishing this experience. In one sense, as a film major, I wasn’t super comfortable with the material, and therefore I knew this test would be one of the biggest hurdles for me. In another sense, without this anxiety-inducing burden weighing on me, I can now focus on the culminating, fun experiences of this program, whether that is the film project, the onesies, or saying goodbye to everyone and making my way home.
Right now, sitting in my room, I am truly realizing how close I am to the end of this study abroad. It would be a lie to say I am not ready for it, but I also know that I will always remember and find great knowledge and strength from this program. It’s only Wednesday, but I guess this is my first goodbye. At least, farewell to this blog and to studying for the final.
