The day before we all went to the Montecasino, we were told we were going bowling. Amidst chatters of excitement, I said, “I think I’m an above-average bowler.” This is what I have always called myself (or at least was my fun fact in my Lab bio). So I was a bit excited to see if this was actually a true assertion or if this bowling excursion would be my first taste of ego death.
The bowling alley was bathed in blue neon lights, with music in the background and one singular dancing group making their way out. We walked in and made the decision between playing in:
– Bowling shoes
– Socks
– Or just barefoot
As an above-average bowler, I obviously needed the nonslip size 4 velcro bowling shoes. Strapped in and ready to rumble, it was time to show my stuff.
I’m not going to lie; my first ball went straight into the gutter, and my next roll knocked one singular pin down. Quite embarrassed, I sat down and pondered my next move. I had to lock in. And lock in, I did. The game was getting serious as I competed against Yusuf, Georgie, and Elon. Our goal was to determine who among us would advance to the final match against the finalists from the other group. By the last frame, I was just one point behind the pro player (read: also above average) Yusuf. But by the last frame, we had somehow tied—both ending off with a hard-fought 76 points. Deciding whether we should have a sudden death match to find the true finalist, we turned and looked at the other screens. One player, our soon-to-be rival Professor Smith, had just broken 100 points. Yusuf and I quickly decided to put our differences aside and form an above-average2 group: “Yasia.” And Yasia was supposed to take it home.
Focus on the “supposed to.”
What Yasia didn’t know is that we weren’t playing against other above-average people. No, no, no. We were playing against a master bowler with skill. But Yasia would not be intimidated we had to focus up! This was a war for two months’ worth of bragging rights!
So we stepped up to the plate. Yusuf and I decided we would take turns each frame, and I would go first. Yet again I’m not going to lie—Or as Ben would say the Candor in me can’t lie—I didn’t do so well. I only knocked one pin down in the first half of my frame. But knowing morale would fall if I didn’t clutch the next half, I dapped up the Y in Yasia, picked up the 8-pound ball, sent a prayer, and tossed that baby down the lane.
Waited…
Waited…
Waited… (my throws aren’t very fast)
And boom! We got a spare. Hyped up, Yasia went crazy on the lanes. But our above-average2 team wasn’t enough to defeat the pro bowler Professor Smith who, while not knowing how strikes added up to the overall score, sure knew how to bowl them. Yet despite the skill difference (and the many times my slow bowling jipped us out of a spare), we stayed neck and neck.
In the last frame, Yusuf stepped up to the lane. Yasia was only one point behind Professor Smith. We could do this. And Yusuf did the unimaginable. With just his skills and a bit of plot armor, Yusuf bowled a strike.
The crowd went wild, or at least I cheered loud enough to where it sounded like the crowd went wild. Yusuf, the master clutcher, made sure Yasia ended with 124 points!
After Big Ben and Emma of the famous bowling group “SEE” sent their last balls rolling it was time for Yasia’s ultimate rival to take his turn. Professor Smith steps up to the plate. I’m biting my nails. Yusuf turns to me and says “if he gets less than five, we can win!”
And what does Professor Smith do?
Well, he obviously bowls a strike.
In despair, Yasia can’t help but clap. Professor Smith closes his frame with an extra three and a spare, ending with a grand total 127 points.
Many people have asked us—reporters, peers, etc.—if Yasia accepts these final results.
While it’s true that the Asia half of Yasia is deeply afflicted with the Yale curse of hating to lose…we will admit that we didn’t win. But Yasia will say, for two above-average bowlers, we showed up, and we showed out!
I’m sensing a rematch in the future…